Until You Smile
by NarutoNinja44InHidingDude
Summary: Sam and Freddie are stuck in In-School Suspension for the day. Sam decides to make Freddie happier from his bad mood by telling dirty jokes to him. Friendship Seddie. Rated T for Innuendo.


_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or the characters in it. Only the mere plot for this story._

**Until You Smile**

"Hey, Fredwad, guess what?" Sam asked, inhaling before firing a spitball at the side of Freddie's head.

Freddie winced as he pulled off the slobbery ball from his temple, "Sam, shut up. I just want to finish this paper then relax for the last day of this hell you've put me through unwillingly."

Sam shrugged aloofly back, "We have _all day_, Fredifer. We're in In-School Suspension, remember? And I prefer to say this is a staycation from school, you know?"

Freddie squeezed the pencil in his hand a bit harder to relieve his irritation from her as he continued to write, "Well I don't. I'm back to weekly body inspections now. Thanks to you and your: BY SAM PUCKETT AND FREDDIE BENSON writing on the wall after spray painting the gym teachers whole office pink. This is our last day and you've gone and just harass me through the five detentions and the other In-School we had. I just want to get out of here A.S.A.P.."

_Fwloop_. Another spitball stuck onto the cheek this time. Sam smirked at the look. It looked like a white, oozing wart from her seat, "You haven't answered my question yet, dorko. Also, you look like you have a Lubert Wart on your face…except yours gushes out my magical spit of wondernous."

"Shut up," He said, pulling off the spitball, "And I'm not answering your question, why don't you just finish your paper?" Freddie spoke adamantly, continuing to write the answers.

"I already did," Sam smirked smugly, reaching over to his desk and waving her paper in front of Freddie's face.

"What?! We just got this ten minutes ago! Then the teacher went and left to teacher her class! How'd you finish it so...fast…Wait, you just filled in the answers with bullshit, didn't you?" Freddie remarked suspiciously, unimpressed with Sam's answers.

Sam shrugged one more as she withdrew the paper back, "Hey, it keeps me passing."

"With a D average," He added in to her last statement, "You know, you're gonna get me kicked out of the Technology Collage I want to go to with your stupid antics and including me in them."

"Hey! They ain't stupid, they're amazing and you're just jealous of my creativity. Plus, if you move, you'd be without _Carly_, I'm doing this for your own well being," Sam retorted, mocking his crush, as she attempted to balance her pencil in the palm of her hand.

"Uhg, I wish they didn't take my PearPod away, and then I could drown you out with some music. I actually want to hear _that_," Freddie stated as he filled in more answers.

Sam gave him a cross look as she continued to balance the pencil, "Hey, at least you have company. The first time I came in In-School, I was all _alone_ the whole time. And the teachers didn't even come in to check on me! Though I did get to play my GameToy since they didn't come in to check…" She trailed off, remembering the classic GameToy and how the newer versions now have about five screens and three microphones.

"Oh _boo hoo_, poor wittle Sammy didn't get her attention. Do I look like I giving a rats ass?" Freddie asked bitterly, glancing at Sam before flipping the paper over to the back.

Sam shrugged his attitude off, "You still haven't answered my question, guess what?"

"What?" He asked, not really paying attention to Sam's nonsense.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!" Freddie yelled, falling on the floor, "Who the hell's the father!?"

Sam smirked in amusement at his reaction, "You, of course."

Freddie then glared at the dirty blonde, realizing her joke and lifting himself back to his seat, "You're sick in the head."

Sam shrugged off the insult as she launched her pencil upwards, "Sweet!" She cheered, smiling at the ceiling.

"What did you…did you put all of those pencils up there?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow at all of the pencils stuck to the ceiling.

"Nah. Now for real, guess what?" Sam asked, looking around at the plain white walls that surrounded her.

"I'm not answering this time." Freddie answered, refocusing on the paper.

Sam fired another spitball at him, "Answer me, Dr. Nerdinstein."

Freddie just pulled the spitball off his blue shirt sleeve and continued writing the answers.

_Fwloop_.

"Answer me."

Pause.

_Fwloop_.

"Talk, dammit."

Pause.

_Fwloop_.

"Your dad left you because he couldn't take the sight of your ugliness and your parents fought because they both hate you."

Pause.

_Fwloop_.

"At least acknowledge me, you bastard."

Pause.

_Fwloop_.

"Hey, wait a minute…" Sam paused, lowing her straw and thinking, "I know how to make you react to me…" She smiled impishly.

Freddie sighed, finishing up the paper. He didn't really care what the girl was going to do; he would just ignore her and her rants and stupid actions for the next miserable six hours and thirty-two minutes. At least he hoped he could, since all of last week and the last two days have kept him down and irritable.

"So…" She said, smiling as she leaned back in her chair casually, "Did you know there are four types of sex?"

Freddie glanced over at the blonde. He knew she was rude, loud, mischievous, and tomboyish like the back of his hand, but _perverted_? He frowned as he looked at the plain white wall, trying to drone her out by thinking of the different types of computer processing-

"There's House Sex, which is what those lovey-dovey, happily married couples have _all_ over the house! That's why it's always so clean in their houses...or is it always dirty? I don't know, but it explains both!" Sam stated, smiling at him, waiting for a laugh.

Freddie tightened his focus. Focus, Freddie, focus, computer monitors consist of-

"Everyone knows about Bedroom Sex! Even you should, Dr. Virgin Nerd. It's when you've been married for awhile and only do the mattress mambo!" She then proceeded to stand up and do a dance with her last sentence.

Freddie rubbed his temples, but he couldn't help by smile mentally at her dance routine. Sam wasn't the best dancer in the world, but she was just doing this so he would entertain her with an expression of some sort. She wouldn't crack him she wouldn-

"Then there's Hall Sex, when you've been married for a lot of years and when you pass each other in the hallways you shout…" She then ensued to yell into his ear, "FUCK YOU!"

Freddie winced as he thought of all the cilia in his ears that just broke from her big mouth; it was very wishful thinking for him to hope that she'll stop after this joke…

"And last, but not least…" Sam announced boisterously, standing on her own seat, "Courtroom Sex. When you're wife and her lawyer fuck you in a divorce court in front of tons of people for every cent you have!"

Freddie shook his head, this will be a long, very long day in In-School today.

Sam paused for him to laugh before frowning, "Jeez, tough dorks."

"Are you done?" Freddie asked, irritably, glancing over at her.

Sam smirked, "No way. I know tons of dirty jokes, and guess what? I'm gonna tell them to you, until you smile," She then proceeded to poke him with her finger, causing his to inch away from her.

Freddie wiped off whatever debris Sam left behind from prodding him, "Well, you aren't getting a smile out of me, daughter of Satan."

Sam grinned back at the compliment, "We'll see, Fredward, we'll see…" She then paused before continuing, "What do you call a gay dinosaur?"

"Sam Puckett?" Freddie asked, rolling his eyes.

Ignoring him, Sam continued the joke, "A Mega-Saur-Ass!" The blonde then turned her head to Freddie to check for at least a grin. She then frowned at his bored expression, "Dammit, that usually gets everyone laughing…"

"Does Carly know about these jokes?" Freddie wondered aloud, thinking of how Sam could have possibly poisoned Carly's sweet, innocent brain.

Sam waved off his question, "Nah, she's too prudish and stuff. _Anyways_, why do men get their great ideas in bed?"

Oh great, a sexist dirty joke. Freddie rolled his eyes, looking at the wall again. Maybe she'll go away if he ignores her, like a scab or a bug bite.

"Because, he's plugged into a genius!" Sam finished, chuckling herself a bit at the joke.

Freddie shrunk further into his seat; this will be a _very_ long day in the ISS room. And as tortured as Freddie was, he did have to say, Sam's jokes were clever, as he realized while he waited for a teacher to drop in and call them to get their lunch. After three and a half tortured hours with Sam and her guttered brain, 12:00 finally rolled in and Ms. Briggs reluctantly came in.

"Go get your lunch and come right back here, you little hooligans," She ordered bitterly, holding open the door for Sam and Freddie to trudge out of.

As they picked up the food on their trays, Sam picked up a Twinkie and ripped off the wrapper.

"I hope you're gonna pay for that…" Freddie stated, watching her throw the wrapper over her shoulder, predicting her next joke.

"What does this remind you of?" She asked, and then started to squirt out the white crème from the whole on the top.

"Everyone knows that joke…" Freddie replied irritably as he paid for his food while Sam devoured the Twinkie to avoid paying for it.

"Just wait until we get back in the In-School room…" She spoke through her chewed food, paying for her uneaten food and walking back with Freddie.

Sitting down, Freddie sighed. What will she do next? He looked at the food on his tray, a hamburger, fries, banana pudding, chocolate milk, and a small salad. Suddenly, a shadow overcame his desk and his chocolate milk and some fries were in Sam's hands, who was standing before his desk, causing the shadow.

"You know how to tell if a white guy has any black genes?" Sam asked, smirking as she unscrewed the cap to the milk.

"I don't like where this is going…" He remarked before she placed a fry on the desk and poured milk on one side.

"_That_ is how you tell! His cum'll be black! Even if he has a white dick!" Sam grinned proudly, dropping the other fries and spilling the milk onto his tray.

"…You just got my desk soaking wet…" Freddie said, keeping his voice under control. He got up and switched the desks quickly, but not quick enough for Sam was on her next joke.

"You know what the penis said to the condom?" Sam asked, taking the empty wrapper from her already eaten brownie and picking up a french fry.

"It's dark in here?" He replied sarcastically, poking his soggy burger with a fork.

"No. The penis said, 'COVER ME! I'M GOING IN!" She then shoved the french fry into the wrapper and threw the covered fry at Freddie.

He merely blinked as the fry bounced off of his shoulder and flopped to the ground, "Good for the penis." He responded, eating his salad.

"Actually, I think the condom would be happier," Sam commented, shoveling her burger into her mouth.

"Why? Cause it's getting used?" Freddie asked sardonically, chewing on his lettuce.

"No, cause it gets more action then the penis OR the vagina!" Sam explained, waving at fry at him to somehow prove a point.

"…You're horrible. We're you conceived in a brothel or something?" Freddie questioned, looking at the blonde.

"No, actually I was conceived in a Canadian Motel. Or at least that's what my mom says. She also says I was an accident and then goes on long rants on how my dad's a jackass and a bastard and how I'm a bastard child and blah blah blah…" She answered, dipping her fries into her pudding.

The rest of the time went exactly like that. With Sam attempting to make him smile with her jokes and the brunette having to keep himself under control, then ending up in a weird conversation about Sam's corrupted upbringing. At least until the last ten minutes finally arrived.

"…And sex without a climax is a Nogasm!" Sam finished, looking for even a smirk on Freddie's face after her 'Types of Orgasms' joke. She frowned, "You know, you're pretty damned stubborn. Are you a girl or something? Guys love dirty jokes, especially when I tell them."

Freddie frowned; glancing at the clock in hopes the time went by faster, "Well, I'm not those type of guys."

"Obviously…" Sam trailed off before smiling in her thoughts, "Okay, I have one last joke, this is awesome, I swear it."

Freddie just sighed, "Fine, get it over with."

Sam grinned and rubbed her hands together as she began to portray, "Well, an armless man walks into the bathroom with a long jacket on and stands by a urinal. Seeing how he needs help to use the toilet, the dude asks this guy, 'Hey, can you help me point my penis?'

"The man reluctantly accepted, but decided not to look at the man's penis. After a few seconds of holding the damn thing, the guy thinks, 'Hey, since I'm grabbing it, I have a right to have a look!'

"So he looks down at the guys' dick and sees that it's beyond hideous, it's all moldy and green and maybe has herpes. Startled, he jumps back and lets go saying, 'What the hell is wrong with it!?'

"The 'armless' man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says, 'I dunno, but I ain't touching it.' And walks away."

One.

Two.

Three.

Fou-

"You smiled!" Sam cheered in victory, pointing at Freddie's face.

Freddie let out a chuckle, "Yeah, that one was pretty good." Suddenly, the bell rang. He smiled wider and got up with his bag, "Thank God, it's over!"

"It wasn't _that_ bad," Sam remarked, swinging her own bag over her shoulder.

"Yes, it was. Why were you so determined to make me smile, anyway? It's not like we had a bet over this…" Freddie questioned, walking out of the boring plain room with Sam.

Sam shrugged, "I dunno, harassing you for a stupid reason is what I do, remember?"

He paused to think about her answer before replying, "Oh…yeah…Hey, what did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?" Sam just shrugged in response and allowed him to go on, "If we don't get support soon, people'll think we're nuts!"

Sam shook her head and smiled as they walked towards Carly's locker, "We need to work on your dirty jokes…they suck, really badly."

Sam then smiled, she was even happy that she was out of there. She then even started to think, if you can tell dirty jokes just like me, Fredison, then you sure as hell make me smile when I'm miserable like you've been like this whole time. I memorized five websites of dirty jokes for you!

Freddie then paused and gazed at Sam, "Hey, blonde devil," He instigated, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Yes, Dr. Deformed Ass?" She answered back with her own insult.

He grinned at her warmly, "Thanks for making me smile."


End file.
